Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My balls are so social today.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My vagina is officially offended.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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