one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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