walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He better not be in your backpack
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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