This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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