The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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