got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
