I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
