I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
