a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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