I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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