I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
