I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
