ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
