you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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