Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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