she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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