He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
