Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I need to sanitize my soul.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
