Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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