You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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