No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
