i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
