im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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