That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
