You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Randomize
