very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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