you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
His nipple licking is glorious
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