went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
