best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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