I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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