Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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