i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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