So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
