bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I have fence marks all over my body
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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