I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
