2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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