McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
