K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
