Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm jealous of your bromance
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
