i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
