Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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