So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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