What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
