mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
