do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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