k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
