In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
and she was petting her beer can
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
