I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
