This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
