i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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