my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
