First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
