He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
