This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
