The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize