i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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