I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Randomize
