dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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