Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
