I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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