you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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