I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
