If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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