made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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