I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
