did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
