I CAN MOONWALK!
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
