OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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